Practical Pondering
Tips to slow down and let God in
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an impassioned essay titled ‘The Stories We Tell About Ourselves’, where I reflected on the art of pondering in the age of instancy:
When we ponder, we make new connections. Like the ruminating cow, we draw out more nutrition (meaning) from what has already happened. We are led from the natural to the supernatural. From the superficial to the real.
Taking the time to ponder is, I think, the antidote to our incomplete stories. It is the often-missing step of noticing, of encountering God in the story of our lives. Of paying attention to what He is really doing, not what we think He is doing, or what we would like Him to do, or what we want to tell others He did.
This week, I want to return to this idea of pondering but make it more practical. It’s easy to say that pondering is both anti-thesis and solution to the problem of instantly serializing and sharing our lives (both online and in-person). But it’s another thing entirely to apply that principle to the day to day.
So what does practical pondering actually look like? Let’s talk about it!
Sit with it for a bit
Once, while driving away from Sunday Mass, mum and I had a wonderful conversation about the readings for that day. “This is great,” Mum said, after each of us had shared our reflections. “Why don’t I do this more often? I come out of Mass and immediately forget everything I’ve heard.”
I thought about it. What do I do after Mass? I come out of Church, and then maybe run into a friend or two, and we start chatting. Or, if I don’t see anyone I know, I’ll put out my phone and head to my car. I’ll check my messages and reply to anything that needs replying to, and then check Instagram for good measure, and then after a few minutes (or ten) I’ll remember I need to get home. So I’ll put my phone away, start my car, and drive off, mind already buzzing with all the things I need to get done today.
In all the noise and distraction, what I heard and experienced at Mass sinks to the back of my mind, never to resurface again.
This experience applies not only to Mass, but to other times in our lives when we have encounters with God’s goodness. Retreats, spiritual books, and even conversations with prayerful friends sometimes have the effect of lighting a fire inside us. But when we leave the retreat, put the book down, and walk away from the wonderful conversation, we have a tendency to forget what we heard, and the fire dies down.
Unless, of course, we fan it.
I promised this essay would be more practical, so here are my best tips for sitting with and pondering our God moments.
Schedule in time to ponder
Early last year, I made the decision to make a Holy Hour every Friday or Saturday where I would meditate on the readings and Gospel for the upcoming Sunday. This became an intentional way for me to ruminate on God’s word in preparation for Holy Mass. And that way, even if I did get distracted right after Mass, I’d know that I had given enough time and attention to what God wanted to say to me that week.
This can look different for you, and that’s fine.
The point is to intentionally schedule in time to ponder on something God has done or said to you, or to prepare yourself for an encounter with God (like Holy Mass, or attending a retreat).
Pencil in this time and stick to it like you would an appointment with a good friend. When others ask after your weekend plans, tell them about your Pondering Time — because it’s a real thing!
Involve others in your pondering
Two years ago, I noticed that many of my friends were showing up for the 11am Sunday Mass (because who wants to wake up early on a Sunday? Certainly not me!). We’d run into each other after Mass and spend a long time chatting. One day, we decided — why not grab a meal together?
Because we were going to lunch right after Mass, and because I am just that kind of person, I proposed that we share our reflections on the day’s Gospel over lunch. This sparked an interesting conversation, and I got to hear the spiritual thoughts of friends whom I wouldn’t usually have that type of conversation with.
There are many ways in which you can invite others to ponder with you:
Listened to an interesting spiritual podcast? Send a link to a friend, and then bring it up the next time you hang out.
Read through a book of the Bible together with a friend, and then text each other your thoughts/observations/reflections. (This one is low-pressure.)
Plan to do a Lectio Divina with someone you live with once a week. (My roommate and I keep talking about doing this — we need to start!)
Involving other people in your pondering is a smart way to make sure it happens (because of the added accountability). And I’ve noticed that you often go deeper (and further) with a friend!
Sorrow as an invitation to ponder
Sometimes, we don’t need external “raw material” to ponder (like Sacred Scripture, or spiritual books and podcasts). Sometimes, our lives provide enough material—especially the bits that are painful, difficult, and confusing.
I’m no stranger to suffering, and I bet you aren’t either. We often don’t want to return to those scarred and hurting places of our hearts, especially when the suffering is behind us. We’d prefer to stuff the painful experience into a box and swiftly move on.
While we might think that not dwelling on the past is a mature and reasonable thing to do, we might end up missing out on the spiritual treasures that God has in store for us through those experiences.
Let’s once again return to Mary, our model of pondering. Mary is a remarkably silent figure in the accounts of our Lord’s passion; despite remaining close to her son until the very end of his life, she says very little. We cannot begin to understand how much Mary’s heart suffered to watch her son tormented and crucified as he was. One thing we know for sure: that Mary pondered and treasured all these things, and kept them in her heart.
While we do not want to dwell constantly on the past, we shouldn’t be afraid to revisit the “Ways of the Cross” of our own lives, like a determined archaeologist looking for hidden treasures. Often times, while sitting in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, I’ve found my mind turning to a difficult time in my past—the loss of a loved one, a painful betrayal or disappointment, a time when I hurt or was hurt by another.
Instead of shying away from these memories that might still sting, I’ve found that being open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit in prayer can help me to reach a new understanding and even gratitude for the difficult experience.
Over time, I’ve begun to think of these painful experiences as “necessary excavations” in my heart. While the breaking open of dry ground can be painful, it is done for a reason—to uncover and bring into light things that were once in darkness (unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger) and ultimately to be healed by Jesus, the Great Physician.*
Important: Pondering is not overthinking
One thing this essay is NOT is an invitation to overthink.
What’s the difference between pondering and overthinking, and how do you know if you’ve stopped doing the former and have begun doing the latter?
Peace: Pondering, done prayerfully, should lead you to peace. It uncovers God’s work, His authorship, and His love in your life. It takes the posture of sitting at the feet of Jesus and allowing Him to show you what He has accomplished or wants to accomplish in you. If you do not feel at peace while pondering, but instead feel anxious, distressed, or led to despair, then that is not the fruit of the Holy Spirit! Take your worries to a mentor or someone you trust.
Faith: The purpose of pondering is to build your relationship with God, and better articulate the Gospel to others. On the other hand, overthinking leads to mistrust and a weakened faith. Be sensitive and attentive to the outcome of pondering in your heart. If it is resulting in doubts, then those are best processed with a priest or a friend who is mature in the faith.
Focus: When we overthink, what we’re really doing is agonizing over our actions in a given situation. What could have been done differently? How did we fail? Pondering is a meditation on God’s actions — what He is saying, permitting, and unfolding. Be sensitive to whom you’re really focusing on when you sit down to ponder and reflect.
The last tip: Put that darned phone away
This is directed as much to myself as it is to you.
Your phone is the enemy of a pondering heart. As much as you can, delay looking at your phone first thing in the morning. Put it away long before you need to go to bed. Mornings and evenings are the most conducive for pondering. But you’re not going to get much accomplished if you’re looking at that nasty black mirror.
I hope this essay helped to make pondering a bit more practical for you. If you haven’t yet, you should totally read my first newsletter in this series:
In Christ,
Krys