Hey, you guys. It’s been very long since my last newsletter. I feel like I haven’t written to you properly in ages. If I’m being honest, I was trying to remember what this newsletter was supposed to be about in the first place. To remember, I had to go all the way back to the beginning.
Remember the first time I ever wrote to you? I had been on the precipice of something new; I had decided to switch careers, but also (unbeknownst to me) the very trajectory of my life had been about to change. I gathered all my best friends together in one long broadcast list, and I sent you a link to my first newsletter. An important life update for all my buddies.
But things have changed since then, obviously. I’ve treated this newsletter occasionally as a blog about my life, sometimes as a soapbox, frequently as a diary, and once or twice as a prayer journal. All of this to say that over the past three years, I’ve always found a good reason to write to you.
Which is why it’s so strange for me to find, at this time, that I cannot bring myself to do what used to come so easy.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this to you, but I’ve been living in Manila for the past three months. I’m here, in short, to become better equipped as a missionary. But something strange has been happening during my time here in Manila. I’ve found myself changing; I’ve found life different. Different, and difficult. It’s been an isolating experience, demanding in ways I wasn’t expecting, and I’ve come face to face with my own weaknesses and insecurities in ways I’d rather not think about ever again. Except that here, there has been no choice but to confront.
And so I’m exhausted. I’m taking things day by day, moment by moment. And for the first time in my life, I find that I’m not really in a place to write.
This has not been a fun revelation for someone who has been writing ever since she was 5, but here we are. I wish I could elaborate, but I don’t know how. The best explanation I can give is this: for a tree to bear fruit, it must be on solid ground. At present, it feels like I am at sea. I can just about muster the faith I need to cling to Jesus and have Him see me through it. This does not seem like a season for me to bear fruit on this newsletter.
And so I’m taking a break.
Do keep me in your prayers, if that’s the sort of thing you do. I’ll be back home in July, and might probably be able to write to you sometime after that.
Best from your friend,
krys